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Frustrated as I never was before, I wiped myself clean between my legs, ripped the picture out of the magazine, put it in my trouser's pocket, flushed the toilet and went out.

I certainly was blushing red, and my mother looked at me somehow puzzled.

At night, kneeling on my bed, legs spread, the picture from the magazine laid out in front of me, fantasizing to be the bound woman, I rubbed myself into my first real orgasm. The reader should imagine a time without internet and Google.

Today it is very easy for a teenager to find information about BDSM if interested, but in my youth there was next to no chance to inform myself.

Looking at this very picture I felt something that I had never felt before: I got wet between my legs and I felt a sudden and overwhelmingly urgent need to touch me. I rubbed myself towards what could have been my first real orgasm, touching my suddenly very sensitive spot with my right hand while keeping my mouth shut with my left hand to suppress my moaning - as I heard a knock at the door and my mother's voice, telling me that other people too want to use the loo.

I managed to shout out "seconds", while I kept rubbing in vain.

But imagining my mother waiting in front of the door suddenly took me down.

I had, of course, never heard of BDSM, but I was instantly attracted to a picture that showed a woman tied to a cross while being whipped by another women.

By thinking back I can only describe my then feelings like an atomic bomb exploding in my head, because I instantly knew that I wanted to be the woman tied to the cross.

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This file should be listened to on repeat for at least 30 minutes at a time (the longer the better) and will become deeply hardwired into your sissy brain.

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